JULY 15
This place has become my monastery. I remain quiet in the evenings and read incessantly, usually with a heart of sorrow. I attend Protestant chapel when energy permits, but the kind of rejoicing in worship that they attempt to draw out of people is very difficult for me. Silence is
one of the only ways I know to deal with this madness. I just interrogated a man who without
doubt deserves what awaits him in this world and the next. One might think me justified
then in being his accuser. But there is a line in the movie The Cardinal, when Father Stephen tells his archbishop that he feels he cannot be a priest because when people confess to him, it is he who trembles. He understands and loves the law, but he is terrified at being the one who dispenses it.
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